Originally posted on greenfairydotcom

14th December 2005 at 11.49pm, and the committee for Daily Analysis and Forward Planning is sitting round a rickety trestle table in the draughty old church hall of my mind. The committee is comprised of different members depending on what’s on that night’s agenda: tonight’s meeting is made up of the members for Christmas Buying Panic, Parental Visitations, Overdraft Concern, and The Wherabouts Of My Sodding Oystercard, and it exists without my consent or approval to dissect the events of the day and pore over things yet to come. Christmas buying Panic and Overdraft Concern are old friends who always find themselves on the committee together at this time of year. It’s The Wherabouts Of My Sodding Oyster Card’s first meeting of 2005, but earlier on in the summer she doubled up as The Possibility Of Extracting The Slice Of Bacon Down The Back Of The Cooker With Chopsticks.

After an hour of intent, ceiling-staring concentration the day’s agenda and matters arising from yesterday have been dealt with. Just as they’re shuffling their papers and tidying away the tea urn and preparing to let me get some sleep for the night, the vestry door bangs open and a couple of dishevelled looking creatures are blown in on a gust of cold air and crumpled crisp packets. The members’ hearts sink. The Blogging Twins haven’t put in an appearance at a committee meeting for a while now and certain nameless members had hoped they'd given up the ghost, finding The Twin’s tendancy to pout and blame others for their own lack of inspiration somewhat annoying. The Twins puff over to the table clutching damp, wrinkled pieces of The Mail as the members exchange weary glances. Very sorry, they say, but tomorrow is the blog’s fifth anniversary and we’ve only just remembered. Would the members mind very much having a quick brainstorming sessions for suitable commemorative post ideas?

The possibility of some kind of nostalgic look at the last five years through the previous posts for 15th December is tabled Parental Visitations, way out of his depth, is sent to check the archives for feasibility and hope is high until he returns with the news that the only blogging topic of choice for 15th December has been the fact of the anniversary itself. Then Wherabouts Of My Sodding Oyster Card says she thinks five year anniversaries are supposed to be celebrated with wood or clocks, and perhaps there’s something to be said on one of those things. The resulting minutes from that discussion would later show as a conspicuously blank space. The committee are on their third packet of HobNobs when a small group carrying a bin bag full of tatty costumes and some painted sheets of plywood arrive. They point at the clock and tell the committee that they were only supposed to have the hall until one; they are the Amateur Dramatics society and they’ve come to rehearse a dream about Simon Pegg and I being bridesmaids at my Auntie Mary’s wedding in a Thai STD clinic.

I wake up in the morning thinking about ping pong balls with no idea of what to blog