...Hovis 'invisible crust' bread.

I was extremely pleased when I first saw this in Tesco. No more nibbling the soft, tender underbelly of sandwiches and having to endure strange, pitying looks as I let the crust languish unloved on my plate. Now I can eat a bread based snack in its entirity like a proper grown up! I consider the existence of this to be absolute proof of that which I first believed as a seven year old and continue to cling to to this day: if you cross your arms and remain resolute the world will eventually come round to your way of thinking. I throw the loaf into my trolly with undisguised glee.

When I get home I inspect it closely. The first thing I notice it that the the bread has lost its shape quite easily, squashed into an unattractive rhombus merely by being on the bottom of the bag under a family sized pack of bourbon biscuits and two bags of Kettle Chips. Without a crust, the loaf has no cohesive external integrity to protect it's shape, a thing I find to also be true of each individual slice. The slices, too, are noticably smaller than a usual becrusted loaf, which at first glance one may imagine to be down to the process of crust removal but on closer inspection this is found to be untrue. The crusts have not been removed: the loaf retains its distinctive bready shape and crusts are not easily but definately detected, simply the same colour as the flesh. This uniform beigeness has the not entirely welcome side effect of giving the impression that the loaf is not properly cooked; just one or two degrees away from being dough. I peer at it in a puzzled fashion for a few minutes trying to work out how it's been done until my boyfriend joins me. Lasers, he informs me excitedly. Special bread factory crust zappy lasers. The only explaination we can think of. We make toast and sandwiches to test this strange new marvel.

Half an hour later I am mystified at how I could have spent twenty eight long years alive without ever realising the vital importance crust plays in the appropriate retention of filling in sandwich. Without a crusty barrier, egg mayonnaise falls hither and yon every time a bite is attempted and butter slides off toast if kept at anything other than a perfect one hundred and eighty degrees. I am forced to admit that this is a considerable drawback in a bready product and my final disappointing score reflects this; just five out of ten.

Still, a victory of sorts. I'm currently redoubling my efforts for vegetables that taste like ice cream.