Five historical figures I saw at the Rubber Ball on Saturday night, because making lists is so much easier than that tricky paragraph stuff.

Queen Elizabeth
The first, not the second. No-one's that kinky.
Cardinal Richlieu
You've not lived until you've had your sins absolved by a fifty year old man in a rubber hassock, really you haven't.
Lawrence of Arabia
Or perhaps it was Moses. We couldn't tell.
Not one but three Jesuses
Each with a more ostentatious crown of thorns than the next, the last one a mere two leaves away from being a full box privit.
Shakespeare
Resplendent in gigantic ruff and the largest, most obscenely jewelled, anatomically accurate codpiece Queen or country has ever seen.