Some things I thought about during the three and a half hours it took to fall asleep last night:
The art deco splendour of Southgate tube station
Mrs Trellis
Norks or baps? Norks or baps?
Whether I would rather die by being smeared in gooseberry jam and buried in an ant hill or by being crushed under twenty thousand copies of Money by Martin Amis*
The phrase 'sperm backlog'
The best way to kill an Italian**
Mr Kipling's country slices
Why do people go on holiday and take pictures of themselves standing in front of things? What scenes of natural beauty are there that can be improved upon by having them grinning in front of it? Or is it that they will forget they were there otherwise?
Builder's expanding foam
George Alagiah's barber
Is the plural of dildo dildos or dildoes?
Mamma mia, here I go again, my my, how can I resist you?
Flushed grollings
* I decided on the ants in the end, unless Money was swapped for The Rachel Papers
** Poisoned pasta sauce? Nobble the brakes on his Vespa?
I have been thinking about 'sperm backlog' too!
sigh.
posted by andre : 22 January 2007
Insomnia rules, doesn't it? Might I suggest whisky, Lorazepam and Alan Bennett as a cure? Not that AB is boring, more that his voice on audio books has a soporific effect, as does displacing the blood with pharmaceuticals.
You *know* you are going to get comments about the Italian thing...
Excellent post.
x
posted by JG : 22 January 2007
You have far more interesting ponderings whilst waiting to go to sleep than I do. My thoughts usually amount to no more than a thousand dancing monks screaming "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" repeatedly, for hours on end, until I calm them by knocking back a whole packet of herbal Nytol.
posted by An Unreliable Witness : 22 January 2007
What the hell is a flushed grolling?
posted by timbo : 22 January 2007
I grew up in Southgate and loved the art deco splendour of the tube - more because it was an exit out of Southgate, than for any early aesthetic precociousness.
Urgh - I wish there was a delete button in my brain for the phrase 'sperm backlog'.
posted by annie : 22 January 2007
I am being pursued by sperm backlog! (Ugh, not in that way.)
Baps, definitely baps.
dildi?
posted by Cheerful One : 22 January 2007
Flushed grollings
posted by Jack : 22 January 2007
You KNOW why people take picture of themselves in front of things. It's so that when they send them to other people they can say, "And that's me in front of Buckingham Palace. And that's me standing next to a sentry in front of Buckingham Palace. And look, that's me pretending like I'm breaking into Buckingham Palace. And that's me getting shot by one of the sentries at Buckingham Palace. And that's me in an ambulance going to hospital. I'll send you the snaps from the ER tomorrow."
Otherwise they might as well buy the postcards or the souvenir photo book at the gift store.
It's like graffiti, or (ahem) blogging to some extent. It proves that you exist and that you were there.
It's why they fenced off Stone Henge. Because people kept chipping pieces off of the rocks, or using a jack hammer to put in their initials so that years later when someone exclaims in disgust, "What dick head did that?" The perpetrator can take delight in the fact that it was them, as if to say, "That was me! I'm the dick head! Me, me, me!"
But I digress . . .
Money, by Amis. Or any crushing death, really. You don't want the anthill thing really, do you? That would be really long and really painful, and ultimately, really undignified in a screaming, babbling, completely out of your mind, sort of way.
Don't you think?
posted by Tom : 23 January 2007
That'll be Mrs. Trellis of North Wales, then?
Dildoes, has to have the E
Possibly by strapping said Italian into a chair & playing him Mamma Mia until his brain turns to smoosh?
posted by PD : 23 January 2007
Norks.
Like seriously if that was any question.
Norks beget the word Norkage. Baps don't.
Story. End of.
posted by Adrian : 23 January 2007
Baps beget bappage. I prefer bappage to norkage. Or bappages to norkages.
That link to flushed grollings made coffee come out of my nose.
Why do people on holiday get random strangers to take pictures of them standing in front of things?
Dildi, definitely dildi.
posted by Matt : 25 January 2007
The Rachel Papers is thinner. Do you not mind it taking longer or were you perhaps thinking of a clever daredevil escape?
posted by Ms Baroque : 25 January 2007
Neither norks nor baps.
There is a clear scale from small to large: titties, tits, boobs, boobies.
Not norks which sounds like some weird nerd/geek type person.
Not baps which are delicious soft white rolls that you eat.
Ohh wait...
posted by Gordon : 25 January 2007
DildA. Female form of the noun. (more firmly) FEMALE FORM of the noun.
And norks. Definately norks. Baps are bread products. You can't put ham and cheese in a nork.
posted by Rob : 28 January 2007
Oh, definitely "baps": "norks" is far too onofratopoeic. Plus, floury baps are self-evidently great.
That is all.
posted by jonah : 1 February 2007