I love Valentines day. I love the articles in the Daily Mail advising women on how to bag a date for the 'special day' (I read it so you didn't have to - the secrets are make up, pretty dresses and lowering your standards). I love Ann Summers' nylon heart shaped g-strings. I love the bloggers and columnists who think they've hit upon a novel and daringly subversive idea by saying that actually, whisper it, the day might possibly be a bit commercial. I love the fact that today the shops will be bubbling over with heavily discounted chocolate.
And I really love the Valentines messages in The Sun.
AVRIL JENSON -
Roses are red
violets are blue,
I'd pass a lie detector test on the Trisha Show,
If I said I love you.
MALCOLM
FOR 'GERT' AGED 33
ROSES ARE RED
THRUPNIES A PLENTY
THE REST OF YOU BODY IS
AS FIT AS WHEN YOU WERE TWENTY
FROM DARREN
Dear Kelly
I love you
Like a tin of special brew
You make me dizzy
You make me sick
But I Know you want my 10" p****
Matt
(That one's my favourite, I think - well, it'd get me anyway)
To my manager..
Roses are red,
Violet's have bugs,
I know u like legs,
what about jugs...
From sexy beast.xxxxx
We have been married for 36 years
Gone through heartache and plenty of tears
But I knew I had found a very special man
Who would take great care of me for who I am
So this Valentine's Day I wish you lots of LOVE
Please come home to me instead of the pub.
Mrs Joan Mullee
Doggerel works then?
Loved those!
posted by looby : 15 February 2007
that last one made me worry slightly
posted by lostboy : 15 February 2007
I think I'd rather read critiques on commercial Valentines than those sassy singleton columns that lurch despairingly from 'fuck this crap, I'm happy!' to drunk and bitter blahblahing.
posted by Morgan : 15 February 2007
The Dig in Boston ran the same kind of blurbs from people wanting to shout out their Valentine wishes. I loved them and was glad for the day if only because it provided such a laugh. As for the holiday, I've gone through waves of thinking it sucks, to waves where I've enjoyed it... and now February 14th and I have just come to peace with each other.
posted by Dylan : 16 February 2007
Morgan - you're right, of course; there's nothing worse than some tedious, thousand word justification on being so perfectly happy single thankyousoverymuch and all the time you're reading it you're thinking of all the energy gone into the protestation that could have actually been spent towards genuinely not giving a fuck.
posted by Jack : 16 February 2007
Blogging wise, Valentine's Day left me stumped.
Yeah I love my wife hugely, but that's MY thing. Yes the day is hugely over commercialisificated but... god, we've done that to death. And really, the "I won't have MY romance dictate to me" bullshit is really REALLY boring.
So yeah, some of us marrieds don't give a fuck about it much either.
But we did have chocolate souffle for dessert that night so... that was good.
posted by Gordon : 18 February 2007