17 May 2007
AND NOW THE SUPPING FORECAST ISSUED BY THE MET OFFICE ON BEHALF OF THE MARITIME AND COASTGUARD AGENCY, AT 0505 ON THURSDAY 17 MAY 2007.
THE GENERAL SYNOPSIS AT 1300
HIGH SPIRITS 1000 EXPECTED SOUTH OXFORD STREET 1800 BY 1900 TOMORROW. DEVELOPING POSSE EXPECTED 0.5 MILES WEST OF SOHO BY SAME TIME. NEW HIGH EXPECTED PISSED 1915 BY THAT TIME. LOW REMEMBRANCE 1000 SATURDAY LOSING ITS IDENTITY
THE AREA FORECASTS FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS:
WINE DOGGER
BEST OR NEARBEST BOTTLES 2 TO 3, DECREASING 1 OR 2 LATER. RED OR WHITE. OCCASIONAL SPILLAGE. MAINLY GOOD, DRIVEL LATER.
PLYMOUTH GIN
VARIABLE 3 OR 4 SHOTS, INCREASING 5 TO 7 IN WEST END LATER. SLIGHT OR MODERATE. OCCASIONAL BLANK PATCHES. MODERATE OR GOOD.
HEBRIDES BAILEYS
EAGERLY 4 OR 5 VEERING EVERYWHERE 5 TO 7. SLIGHT OR MODERATE NAUSEA INCREASING MODERATE OR ROUGH. SINGING AT TIMES. MODERATE OR GOOD.
IRISH WHISKEY
TIPSY BECOMING CYCLONIC, 4 OR 6 GLASSES RAPIDLY BECOMING UNSTEADY IN ALL DIRECTIONS FOR A TIME. MODERATE OR ROUGH. OCCASIONAL PAIN OR DRIBBLE. POOR TO MODERATE.
MALIBU
IMMODERATE 6 OR 7 BECOMING LEERING. REGRET BACKING MODERATE TO GOOD. POSSIBLY GALE 8 IN MCDONALDS LATER. POOR TO VERY POOR.
Update: An 'anonymous contributor' sent me the following. Click for the authentic, just-before-The-Archers audio experience: Supping_Forecast.mp3
Drivel later...
You have surpassed yourself here. I am in awe.
posted by Timbo | 17 May 2007A classic! I could even hear the voice of the radio announcer in my head as I read the post.
posted by Chris | 17 May 2007german beer
posted by Anonymous | 17 May 2007variable 10 to 12 pints. southerly winds later. moderate turning violent in kebab shop. visibility: double. improving in the morning revealing last night's stunner to be a baboon.
oops, didn't mean to post it anonynously.
posted by edvard moonke | 17 May 2007Magnificent.
So magnificent, in fact, that I caught myself reading it out loud. And then remembered that, a couple of years ago, just after I applied for the third time for a job as a Radio 4 continuity announcer but failed to get shortlisted, I sent a friend of mine in New York a recording of myself reading that evening's Shipping Forecast, as she had never heard it and wanted to be inducted into this strange world of mystic and utterly poetic language.
Oh dear. I shouldn't have admitted to that, should I?
posted by An Unreliable Witness | 17 May 2007magnificent indeed. here's enidd's:
cockall left
funds variable 6 to 7 pounds, decreasing to 0 overnight. curry moderate to high, returning later. strong winds expected imminent. tomorrow occasional pain becoming persistant by noon.
posted by enidd | 17 May 2007Clearly you received the flyer for the Bank Holiday Weekender.
Singing at times, Classic.
x
posted by JG | 17 May 2007Reminds me of early starts and listening to Farming Today in the bath, feeling really rather ill...
posted by Ariel | 18 May 2007Occasional spillage indeed. Wonderful post.
posted by fionat | 18 May 2007Class.
That is all.
posted by andre | 18 May 2007Ha! Great post!
I can tell you though, as a native of the Hebrides that the singing is never good and rarely not moderate. Singing is usually scattered and immoderate with brief tuney spells.
posted by Sam, Problemchildbride | 29 May 2007OH. MY. GOD.
I am putting that mp3 on my ipod!
posted by andre | 31 May 2007You are?
Truly, you're a sick, sick man.
posted by An Unreliable Witness | 1 June 2007I find this really amusing. It really is the voice that does it. You can definitely hear it.
posted by mooch | 26 June 2007That is wonderful.
posted by Jez | 5 July 2007