The BBC, in responding to a recent survey that says women use on average 546 more words a day then men, have come up with a well researched, insightful and thought provoking article entitled What women talk about. Based on the consultation of 'a handful of females' the BBC have, for your illumination and mine, created a list of 'forty-six words women might say, men probably wouldn't.' Because a little further alienation between the sexes will really help us get laid more.

Home birth, babies, breastfeeding: Mmm hmm, those universally fascinating topics of female conversation. Where do I sign up for a discussion on poo?

Handbagging: In these enlightened times, women no longer have 'catfights'. They never go so far as to throw an actual punch, of course, and are more likely to be found soaked in Bacardi Breezers and staggering around a pub car park in Staines watching someone else defend their honour while they screech "leeve it aht Barry, ees not worrf it!", but I know I'm simply bursting with pride to have my anger now taken so seriously.

Cellulite: Girls! Why talk about fiscal policy and run the risk of encountering hard to pronounce words when you could just talk about how hideous your thighs are over and over and over again?

Conventionally attractive: Because when you've spent the past six hours minutely examining your arse for any trace of the above the only way you can make yourself feel better is by subtly undermining anyone pretty who might steal your boyfriend and leave you a social pariah, unmarried at the age of 29.

Feminism: I confess, I have been known to say this from time to time. However as I am aware that doing so makes me at least 62% fatter and 49% more hairy in the eyes of men I try and keep it to a minimum.

Pomegranate: Men! Too thick to realise the existence of fruit!

Why: As in "why the cock is this kind of ho ho ho, women talk about handbags and marriage and men know nothing except about cars rubbish still being considered as worthy of even the barest amount of column inches these days"?