1 May 2008
By means of inexplicable though not wholly surprising incompetence I failed to secure a postal vote for today so at quarter past eight this morning I was in a church hall at the end of my road, marking my X and contemplating twenty somewhat less than successful Sunday School renderings of the assumption of Mary in purple finger paint.
I have always felt somewhat underwhelmed by the polite, Protestant nature of the British democratic process; I'd like to see this country attempting to do the kind of election hysteria perfected by small African states after thirty years of dictatorship. I want queues forming from the early hours (though if they could be significantly dwindling by the time I got there that would be handy), kept in line by the military (or the Territorial Army or at a push, Boy Scouts) with huge threatening guns (or water pistols if it was warm) and there's lots of excitement and shouting rude slogans about certain candidates' hairstyles before the police rush in to calm everyone down with tea and a plate of digestives with no more bodily injury than a few small paper cuts from excessive placard making.
At the very least, I'd like the ballot papers to come with a space next to the candidates' names where you could leave thumping endorsements or scathing dismissals along with your vote. I think a lot more people would be willing to engage with politics if they were allowed to write a giant ARSE next to the BNP's listing and it might just provide me with an answer to the question I've been pondering for the last few weeks: just who is it that's backing Boris? While I appreciate - with no small dismay - that not everyone is like me and my liberal hippy Commie agitator friends, whoever it is can't live in London, surely?
As I was leaving the hall, I noticed that the Sunday School had cut a giant HALLELUJAH out of shiny paper and stuck it up over the crucifix on the far wall. The Jesus on the cross was unusually Caucasian even for the Catholic church with a plump, white face and messy blond hair.
ARSE.
One mole, one vote!
posted by Mole | 1 May 2008Polling in my part of the world is in a converted church - you know the type, where the developer flattens a victorian wedding cake then stacks "Urban Living" pods on top of a bunkerstyle "Community Hall". No enthusiasm from the local parties. Nobody bothering you as you enter to collect your polling number. No fleets of dodgy taxis feeding in the old, the infirm and those selling their vote for the promise of tea and cake after.... the whole thing sadly tedious. (puts on flat cap, inhales coal tar soap from asbestos pipe) I remember the old days when the local Labour party would promise formica refits to the whole of the estate.
posted by tim | 1 May 2008ah, your vision gives me a pang of nostalgia for my homeland, where people are forced to vote under pain of being fined a full month's wages (about 50 quid or something). we are all very proud of our free democracy. coincidentally, down there in the south of brazil, where I come from - and where most of the nazis fled to after WWII, people are very fond of the blond and blue-eyed jesus too...
posted by edvard moonke | 1 May 2008I have acted as an election counting observer in Australia so I know that here, it IS allowed to write a giant ARSE next to the BNP's listing or whatever else you want.
As long as your vote is still clear, it's fine, and people quite often do.
posted by Emma | 2 May 2008Eh, social apathy. No one can be bothered, which is exceedingly bad for democracy. Maybe we should adopt the Brazilian system... seeing as the only thing the UK understands is money. And such a proposal would undoubtedly anger a few people and make them get off their backsides.
posted by Ariel | 2 May 2008Jack you rock!! And yeah there so seem to be an amount of Boris voters on the comments in my blog. Each to their own eh? Just glad I didn't vote the arse in ;-)
posted by Annie Mole | 3 May 2008I think the whole voting thing should be scrapped, and that a 'Krypton Factor' elimination style competition be adopted instead. At least that way the canditate who's best at army assault courses will get in.
Seems fair to me.
posted by Timbo | 4 May 2008I assumed I could not vote. I still think my assumption right (I've not got a UK passport or a EU passport, which I think you need to vote in local elections), but I'll feel a right twat if I learn I erred by not trying to cast my vote. Especially now that the clown is mayor.
posted by clarissa | 4 May 2008Woooo! African style elections! Zowie! Let me just go sharpen my machete.
You, by the way, will be voting BNP. It is required. You would be unwise to say no if you want to see your family again......
No, on the whole, I think I quite like the british style, where nobody knows or much cares who you vote for.
What I am really saddened by is the collapse of the Monster Raving Loony party, following the demise of Screaming Lord Sutch.
I quite like the fact that Boris got the job. It proves the underlying concept of democracy... That the best person for a job is never going to get it. More, I think, a case of getting Ken out. Which was about time.
Here, up in t'north, my local candidates did little to woo my favour. All seemed to be promising to fix the potholes and get the bins emptied. No stirring rhetoric, no brave new world. Just like in London, a choice between the Really do not want, and the don't want very much candidate. The oh yes please, that would be refreshing candidate? Nah. Not a hope in hell.
posted by soubriquet | 7 May 2008