I'm holding my breath.
I'm too scared to move.
I think there's someone else in my flat.
I'm downstairs, on the computer, and I am almost absolutely positively certain I heard footsteps in my bedroom above.
Oh God, what to do?
a) Rush upstairs and confront them
b) Creep upstairs and peer nervously around the door
c) Hide under desk
a) is out. Only wearing Snoopy pants and splashes of hair dye. b) also out - stairs much too creaky; will give away location and end up strangled with own pants. c) it is then.
Definately footsteps. How did they get in? What do they want?
I think there's two of them. I'm sure I can hear voices.
Oh God. Oh God. I'm being burgled. By a couple with... a West Country accent.
A West Country accent?
"...dum dee dum dee dum dee dum, dum dee dum dee dum dum....and that was today's final installment of The Archers. You can listen to it again on..."